I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
