**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
