my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
