Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
