I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
