His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
