Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
