Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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