after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
