Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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