Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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