So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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