i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My vagina is very pro this idea
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
