Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
