You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize