This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
