i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
