You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
