I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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