I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
