if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
