so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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