Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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