Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize