alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
