It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
