fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
