And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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