the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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