Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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