Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
