im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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