i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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