he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
