Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
