I didn't shave. On purpose
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
