I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
