When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
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i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
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No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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