Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We are two peas in an std pod
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
