I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
