Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
