I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
