dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
