I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
