why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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