Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
