pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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