That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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