What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
