New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
