:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
