whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
