Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
