I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
