i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
