dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I still have a little drunk in my system
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
