Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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