there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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