Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
