Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
