I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
