you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
wow bdsm is so cute
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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