No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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