can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
worst night to have a conscience
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
