I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
