News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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