Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
