I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
