Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
