I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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