just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
