i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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