It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
