Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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