He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
