i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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