Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
