I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
