he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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