Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
