Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
