The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
