Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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