theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
